No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
