Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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