clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
