He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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