This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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