All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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