And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
