You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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