I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize