____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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