i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
