Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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