take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
