Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Shame - the story of my life.
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