I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
