So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
