I cockslap morals
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
