it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my phone needs a breathalizer
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
