I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
