She is in my trunk
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
