And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize