Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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