Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you had me at cake vodka
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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