I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
