Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
