he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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