life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
PANTIES FOUND
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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