I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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