let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize