Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
