So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
