Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
