just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
