Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
3 2 1 whiskey
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
