im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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