he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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