I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
