So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Damn victory sex feels great
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