I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
