I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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