You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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