Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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