wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
