I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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