I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
