You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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