so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
