It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize