she woke up with a sticky ear
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
