You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize