Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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