The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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