The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
