Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize