Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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