she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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