Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
