Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
