so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
