Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
