People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
