You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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