Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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