Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
