I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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