Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
