i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think I won the penis lottery.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
