I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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