The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
