Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
