I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
