around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
