Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
