are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
