How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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