My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize