So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
