in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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