I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
