morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize