I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
