u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
