Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
