I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
