My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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