I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
