So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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