Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
